take it slow.

but keep your eyes wide open.

don't blink.

you just might miss it.


i attain peace within the sweet erratic ways of the world from perpetual thrive, which makes it all the more thrilling to step outside and behold the world shattering and rebuilding before my eyes.

and so yes, i may appear at knowing ease sitting out on my porch in my airy attire as the world surrounds me, jasmine tea in my hand, and a look upon my face as if Serenity came to me during tranquil hours of the midnight moon and gifted me the kiss of contentment.

"you seem knowing." is what they would say.

"no, I really do not know much of anything. in the mood for some exploration?" is how i would reply

and perhaps this is why I have this journal- because in fact, I do lack expertise and I feel this maddening need to share dissipating documents forever fresh and new world through my own perspective.

i do not know from one day to the next what words will flow from these fingertips, or what photographs I will feel inclined to share. overall, aspects are deliciously bare here, though even with that it goes by layers. sadly, with the common behaviors of livejournal, i can only but go friends-only.

i'm rather inquisitive and full of great curiosity, despite my occasional moments in time of feeling solitary. i assure you, i want to get to know most of you. but there are some people that i feel are not needed.

you are who you are- and if you can respect and love that quality within my entity and your own, i will perpetually admire that about you. to recognize your own beauty and identity with it being magnificently you, and to also accept that you are human. don't disregard the greatness of being a human by calling yourself a saint and looking down upon the rest a though you could know all that can't be known. look at the determination of civilization during times of sore yearning to live. this world is not impeccable and at peace, nor are the spirits of the universe. it may always be this way, as you will fail in knowing bliss without the bitter taste of injustice. we are yin and yang and so you must treasure you for being you and us for being us. hold onto the innocence of being alive, while also being aware of how much primitive purity of colossal power there is in that. this is who we are and it's people like this who i search for.

at the moment, elimination is needed more than anything. time for each arm to be used for a warrior again.

shoot, feel it, love it.

those whom i love should know as of now. the select few are within my honored obligations to shower and adore with the sweetest of amity. never doubt my love for you once it is given, for it is not given freely nor it is spread thin.

i admit it, i am enthralled to an assortment of the adamant structure of humanity. documental photographs of raw justice in enduring vulnerability, love, and hardship. unmasked beauty is a miraculously voluminous attribute. those who look you in the eyes no matter their story or yours.

those who smile to your smile.

those who can understand how they are able to speak the same words of Walt Whitman, Siddhartha, Shiva, Jah, Anais Nin, Gandhi, Oscar Wilde, or Jesus, knowing that we are all of the same if knowledge is used properly.

those who embrace your heart during hardship as opposed to malicious and diabolical inability to understand a rarity of critical love, health, and devotion- replacing what should be empathy or mirth for another person with inconsiderate loneliness, self-loathing, and envy.

my life is not to be envied, nor is it to be neglected.

hence, people are not much of a necessity as of now.

once we learn comprehension again, perhaps we will progress to a decent civilization where unity can be of some true form in harmony with instrumental catastrophic tendencies of the primitive.

as of now, it's vile with crows and mockingbirds. are you hungry? i'm sure you are.

but my energy is not worth feeding people of those kind.

how could it be an aspiration, revitalization, rejuvenation, or beneficial in any way? it is but dissipated wisdom wasted on those whom are proud with the personal idea of being open minded, perhaps as an uncarved block with the core essence of hidden pride disguised as humility, when they simply still have their core manipulations. meanwhile, speaking of the shades of gray, they sardonically lack in noting how they continue to be incapable of acknowledgment beyond black and white. only when they sense what they have sighted in common reality is just oh-so-over-stimulating, they must have seen it all, so they might as well take their cross now and smile. so foolish. hardship does not create a hero.

i'm not eternally graceful and sometimes i like it rough. bizarre and undiscovered photographs can be so vivid, ugly, yet brilliant with it's bloody stains of story untold. i still smoke cigarettes, even though i now detest the way that they taste and smell. i often wonder what euphoria tastes like- cigarettes? i drink black coffee in the evening and i wear marvelous dresses on long walks as the sun sinks. i love lush baths with oils of the exotic, but continue to smell like jasmine, sex and dirt. scratch, bite, forgive, and scratch again. i love yogurt and grape nuts mixed together and i will more often than not take breakfast over dinner. drunken nights by the river with sweet songs of my fair lady spilling from my mouth is one of my fondest memories. i love watching rain and sunshine fuse. can you see the connection from one word to the next? i don't like the future as it keeps too many secrets from me. thank you, time of now.

i aspire to be myself with you, to share myself with you, to share my fucking everlastingly wise and pure of the mind's perspective of the world with you. to EVOKE something from you. however, when i find lack of acceptance, you might as well cancel christmas. i treasure who i am, don't you see? i don't ask you to love me. but i do ask you to accept who i was, who i am and who i will be.

i have my lessons to learn, as you have yours.

with that i do not take regret with actions, though i have massive reflection and introspection in all that i do. past creates the present and the present is my destiny. the old times has caused such agony, but the succulent lessons that i received from them are with profit to who i am. the counter attack that i have discovered is that this world thrives for me, necessitates for me, much more than i do it. but this, again, is my destiny.

i have aggravations with those inclined to control others whether it is politically, socially, medically, or any position where you have the option to abuse the system of human emotion and behavior. i suggest to try and avoid attempting doing such with me. i provide my advice and my genuine word, but never would i attempt to force anything upon you, nor belittle you. i will only be your mirror and when the time comes, i will have my massacres. i expect this respect from you. to control your life and to not allow the world around you to control life for you, to control you and to not allow the world around you to control you- this is balance to me. this is what makes life golden.

I have this obsession with creation, amour and rage. these restless hands keep me cognizant and i need to keep them preoccupied. sometimes i do these things to create beauty, but mostly i do them simply to create truth. i suppose everybody has it in their neurotic hearts to play the role of God, one way or another.

essentially, there is no One Way to anything.

live your life- live it for you. live for what is home in your heart.

we are bloody and fresh, forever pristine. gradually developing within something, this, that we call life, knowing only but little yet having the thrive, ambition, curiosity, and willpower to learn. some have instinct, others have fact- and then there are the millions of gray areas in-between. all in life is accepted and is considered beautiful, despite how crude and malicious some aspects can be. balance must be attained, and that includes what appears to us as imbalance at times to our clouded eyes. i am waiting for my test of now to end, as it has been a long journey and my energy is nearly lost. it is time for a new chapter.